Quality of Relationships

learned emotions: using love, empathy and connection in all facets of life

I recently learned that we are born with only a few emotions innately in us, and other emotions we have to cultivate and learn. We are born with anger, sadness, surprise, fear, joy and disgust.  

But we have to cultivate, learn and understand emotions such as empathy, compassion, connection and…wait for it, love. We have to learn to love. We have to learn how to connect with other humans, to have compassion for others and to love them.

To enhance our lives, we have to learn how to connect with others through understanding empathy, compassion, shame (also learned)…and of course love. We have to learn - literally teach ourselves - how to be loving to others, and…boom, allow love in. 

Learning to love, isn't just about finding a partner in life. When I think of how loving my circle of humans are in my life, I start to tear up - and none of them are my partner. They are childhood friends, former co-workers, chosen family, gym connections, work comrads - even strangers. One of the most loving things done for me, was by a complete stranger. I was sitting at a bus stop in London crying over a break-up with my lover. The next thing I know, a woman comes over to me with a bouquet of flowers in her hand and said, "It's all going to be ok." 

I've been blessed with a circle of humans, who have been in my life for years, but I've equally deeply connected with humans who have been in my life for a shorter time. I've connected intensely with humans on travels, never to see them again, but shared a moment of honesty that shifted something inside of me.  

In the crazy world of entrepreneurship, quality relationships are essential. Not just outside of work, but the people we choose to do business with, to hire, to represent us - also enhances the quality of our work. When I struggle with a work situation, it often comes down to the relationship not having a loving undertone. We get lost in business at times…being "business-ey." But what I know about love, it has to exist everywhere, at all times - we have to learn to use it, when we are the most challenged, even in business. 

Sometimes the most loving act in business is to let go of a client, or important vendor relationship. Sometimes the most loving act with an employee is to give hard, deeply honest feedback, even if it risks a turbulent outcome. Sometimes the most loving act is to terminate or to set a boundary that the business associate may not like. Sometimes, the kindest act in business is to allow a colleague, employee or client "be right" and to simply "let something go." Or, a loving act is simply having empathy for a difficult situation and not demanding more of an employee, allowing space to heal. Sometimes, enhancing a relationship may be as simple as: "I value you, that's all I want you know." 

What I do know is that loving, quality relationships, are not just romantic in nature. They BOTH take effort to cultivate AND are effortless in nature (meaning when you have learned how to connect, it's effortless, but it takes effort to continue to grow, be honest and challenge healthy relationships). And I know there's a space for healthy, connected relationships in all facets of our lives…and by doing that, it greatly enhances the quality of our lives overall, be that work or personal.

This newsletter is dedicated to those individuals who have shaped, loved, taught, challenged, held boundaries, listened, supported, had empathy or compassion for and just have seen me. I see you too.